It’s okay to grieve. At least that is what I feel. That doesn’t seem to be the case for so many others though. As soon as you start to grieve someone will come along and try to get you to shift out of it. Be strong for so and so. She grieves inside so you have to hide your feelings to make it easier for her. What would the deceased person tell you right now? Etc, etc. Have you ever experienced those or others?
Sadly, our society is uncomfortable around sadness and grieving. Today I told a friend who was trying to help me see the happiness in my dear Frankie’s passing that I wanted and needed to feel the loss today. Frankie was and is my Boston terrier who passed away last night in my arms. She looked at me with peaceful eyes and no fear and said, “I love you. Let me go. I’m ready”.
Now i had all sorts of fear amidst the thought that she is ready and i needed to let her go. I even felt guilt that I let her go. I fought it for a moment and then I felt a beautiful peace surround her and take her with them. I knew she was gone but I rushed to the vet to be sure she was truly gone and that she was no longer suffering. She was gone and her physical presence in my life was gone too. So sad, so grieving. So empty.
I want to cry and feel the loss. Another day I shall feel the joy or perhaps even in another minute. What is important about grieving is that we all need to honor our own process. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The guilt I felt and that still tries to rear its little head is not real. I know that Frankie and God are looking at me and saying, “let it go. We are happy you went to the vet. That was for you and it is good. You loved and you are loved deeply.
My physical self is deeply sad today and today I have decided that is okay. Anyone you want to grieve with me today? I have a fresh box of Kleenex.
RIP Frankie. Enjoy your ice cream with Grandpa. I bet you can even have chocolate ice cream in Heaven!